Breakfast, Penney's and a not So Bad Birthday
by boredomkillz
Summary: Hayner has actually woken up first, made Seifer breakfast and then forced him to the mall. Seifer is rightfully suspicious of what the chickenwuss is up to. Seiner. Oneshot.


Title: Breakfast, Penney's and a Not So Bad Birthday  
Disclaimer: _Kingdom Hearts (II)_ © to Squeenix and Tetsuya Nomura  
Warnings: Light_ish_ sexual themes (that being of the male homosexual variety) and strong cursing. If you don't like any of that, then please don't read.  
The rest, enjoy!

* * *

Seifer awoke with a startled yelp.

He wouldn't admit it was a yelp, of course, but after you'd had a nightmare about rabid flesh-eating, quicker-than-they-really-should-be, sniveling-and-snarling, furry-and-scaly-beasts-he-didn't-know-the-name-of-because-he-was-pretty-sure-they-didn't-exist-anywhere-else-besides-his-mind, you'd probably yelp some too.

Not that he did.

No, of course not.

He grumbled and rolled over, hand seeking out under the warm blankets for…

"Hayner?"

He wasn't in bed and he didn't have work today—he'd taken the day off, for some reason. Hayner _never_ woke up first. It was hardwired into his genes to make sure it took extremely loud noises and lots of shaking to wake him up. Oh, and cursing. Except that didn't always work because the little runt liked dirty talking and sometimes he would pull Seifer back in bed to—

"Goddammit," he muttered. "_Hayner_!"

"Seifer? I'm in the kitchen!" came a distant call.

"Doing what?"

"Cooking!"

"You don't cook!"

"Well, I can try!"

"I'm not cleaning up your fucking mess!"

"I don't fucking expect you to, asshole!"

"Good!"

"Fine!"

Seifer heaved a sigh and sat up in bed, pulling the comforter around him. He didn't like how they _always_ bickered—usually it was fine—but he really wished they could find another way of talking. Unfortunately, they were just now getting used to the idea they… sort of _liked_ each other (and yes, in the gay way, thank you very much) and being… _nice_ was not something they had ever done… at least not to each other.

Wondering idly if it was too late to change, Seifer climbed out of bed and padded down out of the room. Their hallway was narrow, being mostly constructed as a squeeze-space past the bathroom—but hey, at least they had a place—and Seifer brushed by the left wall, not quite balanced yet. The walls ended, opening into a small space they used as a dining/living room and then there was the kitchen. Smells hit Seifer: the smell of frying eggs and coffee and something else he couldn't identify.

"Wow, you weren't kidding."

Hayner smiled a little and scraped some scrambled eggs and sausage onto a plate, which he handed to Seifer. His boyfriend stared at the food for a moment, trying to see if there was poison in it or if it was burnt on the _inside_ or something.

"Seifer, nothing's wrong with it, I promise. I took extra care because I know you're a picky fucking eater."

He grumbled, but didn't deny it. Hayner scooped some eggs onto his plate and they ate in a comfortable silence. If they tried talking, the food would just fall out, and they were both i_hungry/i_ and talking could freakin' wait. Or at least that was the way Seifer saw it.

Hayner finished his first, having shoveled everything down his throat like—

_Nope. Not finishing that thought._

"You okay?" He nudged Seifer's shoulder with an elbow. "You turned a weird color."

"I'm fine, wuss."

Hayner laughed and put his head on his arm, watching Seifer. He scowled at him, but the cheeky bastard just grinned, showing off his teeth.

"Don't watch me when I'm eating," he managed to say between mouthfuls.

"But you're so entertaining to watch."

Seifer muttered something rude, which Hayner thankfully laughed off. "I think you need coffee, am I-"

"_Yes. __**Please.**_"

Hayner looked amused and raised an eyebrow. "I don't hear you beg like that often enough." He turned his back to open the cabinet where the coffee beans were, so he didn't see Seifer turn that 'weird color' again.

"And I don't get to see you shove things in your mouth often enough." Seifer countered, although much too late to be worthy of his usual quick wit, or whatever you wanted to call it. Honestly, it was that his mouth ran too much, but luckily he managed to sound intelligently snarky whenever it did.

Hayner glanced over his shoulder, a smirk set on his lips. He dumped the beans into a grinder and the machine started its noisy deterioration of the divine beans full of wonderful. "You know," he said, "I'm not so sure we're talking about food here."

"Oh, I am." Seifer said with such a serious tone that Hayner glanced at him again, this time skeptical. "I'm _ravenous."_

Hayner, to his credit, was able to face the coffee again before he turned as bright as a cherry, but Seifer could see his ears had pinked. Even more to his credit, he said, "Well, unfortunately for you, we don't have time for a feast."

"Hmm," Seifer set aside his plate, having finished with it now. "Then how about a snack?" He slipped off his chair quietly and padded across the kitchen.

He could _feel_ Hayner roll his eyes.

"I don't think we have time for a snack either, asshole."

Seifer put his mouth next to his ear without touching it and whispered, "how about a _bite_, then?"

Hayner jumped, and the movement pushed him back into Seifer, who wasn't bothering to hide his lewd grin. "Are you kidding me, Seifer? _Now?"_

He nipped Hayner's ear playfully and flicked his tongue across it. "Yes," he murmured, pressing into Hayner so he was pinned against the counter. "I think _now_ would be more wonderful than even coffee."

"Well," Hayner said quietly, slightly strained as he attempted to keep his voice level, "You drive a hard bargain."

They didn't have a feast, but they didn't have a bite either. It was more of a home-packed lunch that your momma made; it didn't last long, but _god,_ was it good.

/ - - - /

"I can't believe you." Hayner shook his head.

Seifer raised an eyebrow. "What, are you scolding me? You didn't seem to mind earl-"

"Oh, shut up." He huffed and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

They had made plans with Olette and Pence to meet up at the mall for shopping. _Why,_ Seifer didn't know—neither of them particularly liked shopping-but Hayner had been excited about it, probably because he was going to see his dork friends.

Seifer sighed and ran a hand through his hair, scowling.

Hayner nudged him. "You still missin' your beanie?"

"_Technically,_ it's a skully, but yeah, I miss it. I feel naked without it." Seifer had vowed to never go to an amusement park again. Roller coasters were devious assholes of a machine, apparently, as when they had been going through several 360 loops, his beanie had fallen off and disappeared. (Hayner said it was his own fault for trusting in the at least ten-year old thing's clinging abilities. Seifer had told him to stuff it). He'd wanted to search for it, but the park personnel wouldn't allow it. He'd been without it for about a month.

"Who gives a fuck about terminology?"

Seifer cuffed him playfully on the shoulder. "When you've been wearing one for as long as me, you learn what to call it. And you learn not to care when people call it something else."

"Oh, _yes. '_ Seifer: The Fashionista Extraordinaire'," Hayner drawled, waving his hands slowly in what he probably considered an artistic way. "Yeah, right_._ They're so similar, it doesn't matter."

Seifer looked around inconspicuously for a moment. It was a weekday and in the morning, so not many people were in the mall. The only people out and about were older folk—and no, that didn't make sense, because they should still be in their nighties and slippers, but here they were, browsing the mall with their strollers and wrinkles. Occasionally, you'd see a teenager or someone middle-aged, but the place was still ruled by the oldsters at this time of day.

Not that Seifer actually _cared_ what anybody he thought, and to prove his point against his sudden hesitation, he swooped down and kissed Hayner for a brief moment.

Or, it would have been brief, if Hayner hadn't decided to keep him there. Chickenwuss wrapped his arms around his neck and drug him back down every time he tried to pull up. Eventually, he gave—Hayner was _very_ persuasive, he might become an exhibitionist, just for him—and let him have his fill. He could feel Hayner's lips curve into a smirk, and he pressed harder against that smug mouth, his competitiveness kicking in. Hayner made a soft noise, almost inaudible, but Seifer heard it and grinned inwardly. His thumbs rubbed little circles in his back as they slowly made their way down, all the way to the top of his ass. Hayner actually moaned and—

Someone giggled.

They broke apart, Seifer scowling already, and scowling more when he saw that it was _someones._

_Girl_ someones.

"Can I help you?" he growled.

They tittered. "Oh, no, don't mind us."

Hayner snorted and grabbed Seifer's arm, pulling him away from the girls.

"I want to go home," he ground out after a moment of walking away from the embarrassment.

Hayner looked at him in askance. "Okay, but not until after I get something."

"Get what?"

He grinned his best wide smile, showing all his teeth. "You'll see."

Seifer huffed, but allowed himself to be led along further in the mall.

/ - - - /

They stopped at a place Seifer had promised to never, _ever_ walk into again since the escalator incident. (It's not so much of a long story as it's an embarrassing one. And no, you curious prick, it's not going to be told now).

JC Penney's.

You just _think_ it's innocent.

Seifer turned to walk away—quickly, but Hayner snagged his arm and pulled him back. This took more effort than he seemed to have thought it would take (Seifer _really_ didn't want to go in there) and when he'd finally wrangled the taller blond back to his side, it had taken a few minutes and plenty of stares at their commotion.

"We are _not_ going in there."

"Yes, we _are._ I need to get something."

"Hayner, I don't give a shit. I can wait out here."

"I'm not going in by myself."

"Good! Then let's go home!" He grabbed his hand and made like to leave but Hayner was firmly in place. He sighed, wracking his brain for a better argument—he had a headache, he was feeling sick, the music pissed him off, they would have to walk by the perfume section, he might do something embarrassing to Hayner if he didn't know what was good for him. Multitudes of lame excuses filtered through his brain, but they all crashed and stopped when he saw that _look._

The most stubborn look in the universe.

_Well, shit. I guess I'm going in._

"You with me now?" Hayner asked unnecessarily.

Seifer muttered something incoherent.

"What was that?"

"I said '_yes, sweetie, I'm just jumping up and down with joy to enter this fabulous store'."_ Seifer said as sarcastically as he could, but stalked right into the store, hoping Hayner was serious and wasn't just playing a joke on him now that he'd made a move like that. When there wasn't a hoot of laughter or Hayner calling him back to tell him that it was a joke, a bad joke, he felt all his fake bravado melt away. "Fuck my life," he grumbled.

Unfortunately, Seifer had been right about the perfume being the first thing to walk through. There was so many strong, frou-frou smells that they all blended together into a foul, all-encompassing and invasive sensation of _feminine._

"Oh, man." Hayner muttered next to him. "Gag me with a spoon."

"_See?_ This is why JC Penney's is evil."

"No, it's not."

Seifer scowled. "Yes, it is."

Hayner looked at him, eyebrows drawn. Then, his eyes widened as—i_no!/i_—a realization dawned on him. "Oh my god! Are you still hung up on that escalator thing?"

Seifer felt heat rush into his face. "No!"

He laughed. If Seifer was anyone besides himself, he might have pouted at such ridicule. But he was a Seifer and Seifers do not pout. He decided not to talk to Hayner the rest of the time they were in the store. Fuck maturity, this shit was serious.

His boyfriend led him past the children's clothing sections and right towards the… escalators.

"No, jerkoff, I'm not going up those."

"You wanna take an elevator up?"

Seifer squinted at him. "Do I look that old to you?" Nevermind the bad logic. He just didn't think an elevator would be any safer than an escalator in this store.

Hayner raised an eyebrow, but he was smirking, the bastard. "No comment."

"Fuck you." Seifer studied the moving stairs and huffed angrily. _Why couldn't stores have regular fucking stairs? Motorized elevation transport was obviously evil. Am I the only one who can see this? _"Fine, I'll use the goddamn escalator. But _you_ are going up first, and I will go up once you're at the top."

Hayner rolled his eyes, but took a few steps forward and walked up the escalator as it carried him up. Once he was on the second floor, Seifer put his feet on the first step and the let the sadistic thing take him up, not bothering to hurry along by taking more steps himself.

Hayner's smirk hadn't faded, and Seifer went back to his 'no-talking-to-asshole-chickenwusses' rule. When they were at the men's section, Hayner hesitated, tapping his hands on his thighs and chewing his lip.

"What?"

"Nothing. Could you—uhm, go somewhere else?"

Seifer stared at him. "I really could have stayed outside. You brought me in here, full well knowing that I hate it, _and_ it's to get a present?"

Hayner gave him his best sarcastic 'oh, yeah, sure' look. "What makes you think the present's for you?"

"You're not letting me browse around in here and I just remembered it's my birthday." Hayner's face flickered through several emotions, finally settling on a smile.

"C'mon. I'm sorry, I should have planned this better, but could you go somewhere else while I get it?"

Seifer stared at him for a moment longer before he shrugged and turned. "Just don't buy me underwear!" he called over his shoulder.

/ - - - /

"I still can't believe you have the _audacity _to make me go into _JC Fucking Penney's_ and then carry whatever that thing is around me to the car."

Hayner laughed. "You know that's the whole reason why Olette, Pence and I were meeting up? I needed their help to decide what to get you. But I texted them, telling them I was gonna be late and I had figured out what to get you."

"And what would that be?" Seifer ignored the dim disappointment he felt at Hayner being unsure what to get him. Grudgingly, he agreed that he was a hard guy to shop for, but he hoped that at least Hayner of all people wouldn't have a problem figuring something out. And maybe he had, although a bit late.

Hayner laughed. "You can't stand not knowing something, can you?"

"No, I'm about to have an epileptic fit over here with worry that you got me something so extraordinarily terrible and I'll have to act like I love it."

He frowned at him. "Don't you dare fake shit with me, Seifer Almasy. If you don't like it, you don't like it, and then you can pick out your own damn present. Until then," he added, glancing at the clock, "go to the bedroom?"

Seifer couldn't help it, his mind immediately went _there _and he smirked. "Lamer, you are really lame. You got a kinky outfit?"

Hayner turned a color even brighter than the time with the ice cream and the old dude. (Yes, it's another story—and no, it won't be explained). "_No!_ I don't even think they _have_ kinky outfits at Penney's."

He sighed. "I was kinda hoping you'd gotten a back-up plan."

"What makes you think I would even wear something like that?"

"Oh, I think I could persuade you."

He made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a scoff and waved his hand at Seifer, who went to his bedroom like a grounded teenager.

/ - - - /

Hayner knocked on the door several minutes later, and blind-folded Seifer after a short argument and led him into the dining/living room. He sat down on something soft—the futon they usually kept folded up next to the wall—and Hayner kissed him for a moment before pulling back. Seifer felt his weight lift from the squashy mattress and listened for noises, but Hayner was being _very_ quiet. How suspicious.

After a few moments, he felt a weight next to him again and Hayner pressed in next to his side like he did when they watched TV. He felt hands un-knot his blind fold—what the hell had the lamer used anyway? a sock?—and he kept his eyes shut.

"You can open them, Seifer," Hayner said quietly.

"You sure, wuss? You didn't seem so keen on the idea a little bit ago."

He bumped into his side. "I had to set things up. Open your eyes."

Seifer did.

He stared at the thing in front of him.

And then he stared some more.

"Hayner, did you seriously get me a-"

"Camouflage beanie," Hayner said, his voice blank, probably wondering whether or not if Seifer liked it. It was a good thing to ponder, too, because Seifer wasn't so sure himself yet.

"Okay, I get why you got me a new beanie—and thank you—but why camo?"

Hayner pinked only slightly and he scratched his ear, "Well, uhm, I used to wear a lot of camo clothes-"

"You still do," He pointed out.

"Yes, but, I just…. I wanted you to feel like I was always there."

Seifer swallowed and picked up the silly hat. He ran a hand over it. It was soft, made of some thick fabric that would keep him warm in the winter.

"Do you like it?" he asked quietly.

He allowed himself a small smile and pulled it on, already feeling more clothed and secure.

"You are way too sappy. But yeah, I like it, Hayner."

He grinned and kissed Seifer, and eventually it proved to be a good thing they had a futon, because he wasn't too sure they would have made it to the bedroom, or hell, even the shower.

Hayner ended up giving him two presents that day, and Seifer was rather extremely fond of both. He kept that stupid camouflage beanie for years.

/ _ _ _ /

**_AN:_**_ This was an entry over at the CamoBeanie group on deviantart. Yes, CAMOBEANIE. I am just _that_ cheesy. I got the idea and had to run with it. /stupid grin and facepalm_

_JC Penney's really does sell camouflage beanies. YES, I CHECKED, LOL._

_**also!** the 'gag me with a spoon line' is from, well, Gag Me with a Spoon by ellipsisthegreat. Go check it out. C:  
_


End file.
